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Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Prawnie Dumpling (Har Kow)
 It is one of my favourite food. I used to had it almost every Saturday and Sunday.
Recently, Saturday and Sunday is the time whereby i can spend my time with my parents... as a result, I haardly eat dim sum...
Thanks to Galvin for the recipe.
Now, I need not go out to eat dim sum nor spend much. All i need is to cook it myself. this is my first time doing it. Of course , I thought it was easy as ABC.. but when it comes to moulding it... questions... such as 'How thick should it be?' and 'How big should I cut?'....  Gee... really headache... that' came.. dumpling of sizes odd the all wher>Though.. it turns out fine and surprisingly, it taste good. yum~~... Anyway, next time, I'm gonna modified it as time goes by and gonna make my own Kaysin prawnie Dumpling (as usual)
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
short hair or curly hair?
Really want to do something with my hair... 
It's really headache whent it comes to making decision...
Should I... Should I not?? Hmm... but it's a trend now.. infact it looks sexy.. ;)
How bout short hair? It will look younger *I know I'm old*
It looks cute too..
but the most important is .. cutting the hair is cheaper than curling the hair
I'm still undecided....
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Being There
We were in the bus, heading to some place... through the journey, I was telling him all the things that happen to me recently.. as we reach the place, he was a bit hesistate to go down the bus as my cousin want to stay on the bus.
However, after my grandma and I ask him to come down. He finally make the move. I can see he is pretty sick and hardly can walked. I carried him on my back and start to walked out the bus.
In front of me, I see endless stairs. I do not know where the stairs going to end. All i know is that the end of the stairs is the place where I can ask for help to heal my grandpa.
As I was carrying him on my back, I kept updating him bout all the things that happen recently. He gave me a lot a lot of advise. I dun feel any weight behind my back as i carried him. Maybe he lost weight :)
The stairs... it's so high.. it's even longer than the HK or even the batu caves.
At last, I have reach the peak. I saw people. All knees down praying. At once, I put him own and I start to knee and pray for his health.
Slowly, my tears felt. i can feel the warmness of my tears as it roll to my cheeck.
"Sis" my sis called....
I woke up and realise it was just a dream......
"Did you cried? what happen?" she said as she saw the tears rolling own while i was sleeping......
Grandpa... thanx for being there... i know u are always there :P
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Lost....
They said, change for the better
They said, I'm happier
They said, I had grow up
I realise, nothing to be worry
I realise, life is short
I know, patient is the key to success
I learn, forgive and forget
You said, I'm different
you said, you don't know what i'm thinking
You said, you prefer the old me
I know, we all need to change for the better.... sorry my friend
A true friend will try to accept ones changes and not comment on it.
It hurts so much.. I start to wonder to give up changing or to give up the friendship....
Happy am I?
She always smile whenever she look at me. She just look so happy. Sometimes I wonder why she look so happy when she see me. Always wanted to ask her the reason.
Yesterday, i finally know why....
"I'm just happy for you. Very happy to see that you are much happy now. Often see you in tears last time," she said.
Thanks. that's my colleague from a different division. I'm amazed a person that is not really close to me being happy for me.
It's not the first comment I got. I have yet to really know am I that happy. No doubt, they said I smile more. I hardly cry.... but i still will feel upset and angry.. haha.. that's me...
Yesterday.. I truly know too...
'Don't cry. You are better now. You live happier now, don't you?' said another.
If I am... why am I still crying?
Tree, Leaf, wind
TREE
The reason I'm called Tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Over time I started to paint a tree in the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolor paintings. I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There's one girl whom I loved a lot but never dared go after. She didn't have a pretty face, nor a good figure, or outstanding charm.She was just a very ordinary girl.I like her. I really like her. Like her innocence, her frankness. Like her cuteness, her intelligence and her fragility. My reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary was not good enough for me. I was also afraid that if we got together all the special feelings I had wouldvanish. I feared that other people's gossiping would hurt her. I also felt that if she was meant to be my girl, she would be mine ultimately and Ididn't have to give everything up just for her. The last reason made her stay with me for 3 years. She watched me chase after other girls for 3years, and I made her heart cry for 3 years.She wanted to be a good actress and I was a very demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled and said "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like walnuts. I purposely ignored what had caused her to cry and instead, laughed at her the whole day. When everyone else went back home, she sat alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I had returned from soccer training to getsomething. I watched her cry for an hour or so.My fourth girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarrelled. I know that based on her character she was not the one who had started off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laughed and joked with me as though nothing had happened. I know that she was very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ached as badly as hers.When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I had something to tell her. She told me thatcoincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I told her about my break-up and she told me about her getting together with someone else. I know who the guy was. He had been going after her for quite a while. He was a very cute guy who was full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the school.I couldn't let her know how my heart ached but could only smile and congratulate her. When I reached home, my heart ached so bad that I can't stand it. There was like a heavy weight upon my chest. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to shout but couldn't. Tears rolled down and I broke down and cried. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that didn't even acknowledge her presence?
During graduation, I read an SMS in my handphone. It was sent 10 days ago when I broke down and cried, but I hadn't read it since then. Itsaid, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind'spursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay."LEAF
During Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has relied on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not the BGR kind but the buddy kind. But when he had his first girlfriend, I learned a feeling I never should have learnt - jealousy. Thesourness in the heart couldn't be described using a lemon. It's Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.I like him and I know he likes me. But why wouldn't he pursue me? Since he loved me why didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a newgirlfriend, my heart would ache. T ime after time, my heart was hurt again and again. I began to suspect this was a one sided love. But if he didn'tlike me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you would do for a normal friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I may know his likes, his dislikes, his habits, etc. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me, a girl, to ask him right?Despite all this, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him, hoping that one day, he will love me too. I waited for hisphone call every night, wanting him to send me SMS. I know that no matter how busy he was, he would make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through and I really wanted to give up. At times, I wondered whether I should continue waiting. The pain, the hurt, and the dilemma accompanied me for 3 long years.Towards the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior began to go after me. Everyday he pursued me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point intime when I felt that I was willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm and gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind just asmall footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leaf far away to a better land. Finally I left Tree. But Tree only smiled anddidn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.
WIND
I like a girl called Leaf. Because she's so dependent on Tree, I have to be a gust of Wind, a wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, itwas one month after I transferred to the new school. I saw a petite girl looking at my seniors and I playing soccer. During CCA time, she wouldalways be sitting there looking at him, be it alone or with her friends. When he talked with other girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's happiness in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit, the way she liked to look at him.One day, she wasn't there. I felt something was amiss. I can't explain the feeling except that it's a sense of uneasiness. The senior was also notthere. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scold her. Tears were in her eyes when he left. T he next day, I saw her at her usual place looking at him. I walked over and smiled at her, took out a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled andaccepted the note. The next day, she passed me a note and left.Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow her away.It's not that Leaf's heart is too heavy. It is because Leaf never wanted to leave Tree. I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me and accepted my presents and phone calls. I know that the person she loved wasn't me. But I had the perseverance that one day, I could make her like me. Within 4 months, I had declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she would divert away from the topic. But I never gave up. If I decided I wanted her to be mine, I would definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I had declared my love for her. Although I knew she would try to divert, I still had a small glimmer of hope, hoping that she would agree to be my girlfriend.
I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone, so I asked "What are you doing? Why didn't you reply?"
She said, "I'm nodding my head."
"Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"I'm nodding my head,"she replied loudly.
I hung up the phone, changed quickly, took a taxi, rushed to her place and pressed her door bell. When she opened the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.
those days
 It had been almost a month ever since i see him in my dreams...Really miss him so much...
The memories... all flash back in my mind when I was hiking in Tmn negara...
The words he says.. the teaching and also the advise... all these...
He used to bring me to farms, plantations, jungles and some isolated places.. He will then tell me some myths, some histories and also knowledges on everything...
In the jungle that day i can feel he is following me all day long.. protecting me.. how i wish he could be there telling me and explaning to me all the things tat is in the jungle.. the flowers, the leaves, the trees, the animals....
Really miss you so much... when will you be telling me stories again in my dreams?
These days
You hadn't been saying much these days,
Something that make you unhappy?
Heard that you are lonely these days
Confused, Lost...
But I can't be by your side....
What you want, I can't give you
What I can give, Is not wat you asked for
We do not click yet we dun want to admit
often we feel like crying when we hug each other
You always says that these ae the begining of our love,
Our love had already ended is wha I felt,
Dont want to hurt
Don't want to suffer
I know what ahead will be better let me go..
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