Wednesday, September 20, 2006
I found my Happie(ness) in life ><
I found my Happie(ness) in life ><
Months back, I lost a dog, Happie. I thought i could never have a chance to find him back. I'm the one who let him go. I guess he do not know the road to come back. I told myself, if God evr gave me a second chance, I would not treat him that again. Last Monday, my mom called and inform me that Happie was back. What a miracle. My Happie was back even though I let him go. God does gave me a second chance to take care of him again. He s not angry with me for letting him out. Instead he was so happy to see me that day. I'm so happy. Even a dog know how to forgive and forget. Hahaha.... He is pretty well though a bit of injury but I know he will be fine. That's my dog!
Well, God did not just gave me a second chance on that. In life, I got a lot of second chances. And because of this I truly will need to appreciate what I have. Sometimes letting go of something doesnt means is bad. May be it's just a freedom for you. I thought letting go of Happie is really the end. He came back.. Now I truly belief.. if it's yours, it will be yours no matter how. I know my dog is brave enough and really work through without giving up on anything in looking for us :P and I shall not be a shy lady in giving up in my life anymore :P Thanks Happie
I love you so much Happie! Muax :P
Monday, September 11, 2006
The illusion
It had been a long long time ever since I sat in this car.. going to the journey I once long for. Each time sitting in the car, I will always imagine the way he will stand outside the door, leaning on it. Hands holding a ciggie, with another hand tuck it in his pocket. Smilling and will comment either I looked thinner or fatter.
This time, I had the same illusion in my mind. But, it will only be just an illusion. he will no longer there standing, looking at me coming down from the car. He will no longer asking me how am I.
Going back hometown few days back really remind me of him a lot. I keep telling myself, that he is still around. Even when dinner time, I will automatically walk to the phone to call him home for dinner. That nite, I reach out the phone and start to dial... only to realise, he is no longer here...
Really miss those days we were together.. I miss you a lot a lot a lot...
Inspire
The Holiday has ended... Nothing much we can do bout that but looing forward for the DepaRaya holidays to come. I just came back from Singapore. Went over there with a very mix emotion... sad, stress,lost, or should i say my main purpose of going there is to relax myself. However Im scare that things may turn out worst.
Well, lucky for me, i have friends that joining me there. Though we weren't stay in the same hotel but we visit the place almost all the time. This really reduce the fear I have. Honestly going to other country and explore their life is fun. Somehow it inspire me. Love isnt everything. Life is still fun.
That country is a busy place. EVeryone seems to be so busy on the streets, while in the bus and even when there are waiting for some public transport. Looking at them, I realise how unfulfilling my life is. work and sleep basically is my life.
I met my cousin there and i asked him bout the lifestyle over there. i'm really amazed with them. They are so active. Hardly see people that are over weight in there. maybe i should start to be active just like before. Guess it may really help my sleep. My cousin asked if Im interested to stay there...
What? Stay there? Should I? Maybe... i did thought about it..
Why??
I guess.. to run away?? Run away from everything and start a new life??
Yea.. selfish and stupid me :)'
After the trip, I am not as negative as i am though *wink* but i'm still thinking should i or should i not?
why
Is it true when a new relationship begins, it always begins with smile and laughter?
Everything (including weaknesses) can be seen as the strength or can be said as CUTE.
Every promises can be fulfill and everything can be tolerate.
What is the sign when it's the end of a relationship?
Arguement, fights, sadness, anger...
One party will tell the other to be someone else....
things like, " I don't like this.. can you change this, change that.."
The other party will always fight back and say," why last time u say it was cute... why now only complain?"
The that party will always replied, I Thought i can take it.. but I Never Expected to be SUCH!!
Well it happens to everyone. That what my colleague said when he had problem with his gf.
Is that the sign of the end of their journey? Why isnt anyone tolerating ? Is it a must for a girl to tolerate? Where have al the gentleman goes? All this while, i thought, girl was given the gift of 'merajuk' and guys was given the gift 'tak apa' so that both can tolerate...
If relationship oughta end in this way, why begins it?
Why start a journey when the ending can be so painful and regretful?
Change
Change is not constant. This is what i learn in my science classes. This means, everything is changing whether we like it a not. No one or Nothing can ever stop changing.
It takes only 3 months ever since we realise he suffer from cancer till it takes his life. 3 months, what could he be thinking in these 3 months knowing his life is going to end soon? Keep hoping for miracle to happen? hoping a change will just changes the whole situation?I began to adapt to the fact he suffered from cancer within a month.. however i need to adapt to another set of changes after that... thats when he left me....
I'm still learning to live without him by my side... without his guide, his teaching and his smile. I remember he said, life is short but you still have a long journey to go... walk along with a smile. Due to the the lost, i forget to smile, i live with the life of anger and hates. My temper was from bad to worst. i know I hurt a lot of peopler especially my best friend and the one I loved.
Not long later, another change step in, I was no longer the one with bad temper. I began to feel insecure. People that i used to hurt now began to be impatient with me. In short, i had learn to be patient but things had change. Guess it's too late.
Now, when things are balanced out. When I was about to be able to adapt the impatient of my loved once. Another change in my life just happen. I just felt so tired. I have lose all my will and hope throughout all this changed. I do not know what else will happen in future. I don't even dare to think of it now. After yesterday, i finally understand what he means.
"Life is just like a play. Everyone is given a role to play. When the role is ended, just leave with a smile. There is nothing to be sad about."
Guess my role is going to end soon....